Fights

Again Coco is next to me on the couch. The guys are nowhere to be seen. Probably lots of interesting stuff outside. But thankfully there's this little girlfriend I have here ... although she tried to claw and bite me this morning while I groomed her. Somehow she didn't want me to....



The Feliway Diffuser is in use for a day. Yesterday I was taking care of Ben in the kitchen when we heard this awful screaming. Ben started growling, and jumped off the countertop. We ran to the frontroom and oh yes: there were Joris and Coco fighting. Tufts of hair flying all over the place. I grabbed Joris in his scruff and tail, he wriggled this way and that, but I managed to hold on. I took him to the kitchen because he went berserk, took Ben in there with me too, and continued his treatment with pills, lactulose, cleaning eyes and giving him his oral fluids, while Joris was panting and slowly calming down.
Ben allways gets upset when there's fighting. At first I thought he wanted to be on the first row watching, but he doesn't like it at all. And one time I even saw him - petrified - attack Joris who was attacking Coco .... chain reaction.

What to do with Ben

Well ... a few days after my last post Ben and I found ourselves in the next crisis. With an alltime low of 16 grams of dry food in over 24 hours. I started to get visions of having to assist-feed, which I truly don't want. During the night I woke up from his yelling at least 3 to 4 times, sometimes because Ben wanted food, and sometimes just for nothing. And that was just too much.

I have a group of friends who will listen to me whenever it gets to me, and they gave me an idea. I'm convinced that I need to handle Ben's situation (his kidney and bladder problem)in a different way. Because this is killing to both of us.
During days of crisis he didn't seem to feel any joy, he started to turn away from me, ducked away under my hands, refused all fluids that I tried to give with his favourite eyedropper. And I got desperate because I was trying so hard and nothing worked. And in such a situation we were driving each other a little nuts. High time for a bit of relaxation.

I think I found a way: I'm going to enter a Reiki-1 course. I found a Reiki-teacher who's willing to give me an individual training because I can't stay away from home a whole weekend, not even a whole day. It'll be on 3 different days, during 5 hours each day, so that I can be home in time to give Ben his meds. I told her that I don't "believe" in the healing powers of Reiki, but that I hope it may bring us a feeling of relaxation and peace in those days of crisis. Sara, the teacher, told me laughingly that she didn't believe either when she started her own training. I asked if my using Tegretol for my facial neuralgia would be a negative influence on the course. But we figured it might even be beneficial: when I've taken Tegretol I only look at what is right in front of me, and concentrate very much at the here and now.

To be continued... I say with Coco right next to me on the couch. That little lady finally found out that even if she doesn't want to be on my lap, she likes being with me on the couch with a few pieces of cheese as a bonus.

Crisis

Joris' 9th birthday passed, a bit forgotten in all the emotions of the past week.

Mieke, you're asking me how I am....I find it difficult to give you a clear answer. And I may be a bit rambling on.
Since my father's passing on in 1999 I rarely have time to think about myself. It's nice to be alone again now that mom has returned to her house, and I appreciate being by myself. After all: I've been living alone for 18 years now. And before that I lived with someone, and also worked together with that person ... how much closer can you get. So I know how that is too. I'm very much a person who takes life as it presents itself ... no wishes for the future, certainly no expectations .... never even had those for as long as I can remember.
And now, being alone again, I had to get used again to not taking care of mom, but because a real crisis occurred between Ben and me, I never had time to worry about that. I can share things with mom up to a certain point, and we are very much enjoying each other's company, but I allways have to think about her delicate mental and physical health. I know....I'm allways taking care of something or someone....I know. It just happened to be this way. I'm also visiting aunt Dora, mom's only living relative, in the nursing home every 2 weeks. It's important to both my mom and Dora that I go, so I turn it into a pleasant thing to do. If I would hate going I would never be able to keep doing it. I've been visiting her since my father's death in 1999.

Going on vacation, or leaving for the weekend, is impossible. There's no one I can ask to feed 3 different diets to the cats 3 times a day. There's no one to ask to give Ben his meds. at least 5 times, preferably 7 times a day with several hours in between each capsule. So I'm stuck ..... Thank goodness I only work 20 hours a week.

Like I said: Ben and I have had a crisis. I had switched him over slowly in 2 months time from Hill's k/d to Royal Canin Renal diet because I felt this would be better for him. The switch went fine, but I noticed he started eating less. After 10 days of 100% Royal Canin my mom left and Ben almost went on a hungerstrike. He seems so very relaxed, but like Dirk told me yesterday: Ben is very, very sensitive, and he just missed mom. He ran away from me, avoided me, and I felt no connection between us. He no longer looked me in the eyes, or looked right through me. I started to get scared, because he also refused his former k/d diet. He wanted nothing, went on a downward spiral of eating less and less ... unstoppable. Again I noticed how you just can't tolerate a cat not wanting to eat for any longer period of time ...or you may have a hungerstrike on your hands.
Two days after mom left I started to work on Ben. I stopped offering him food except on the moments he really needed to eat because of his meds. In between I gave him nothing and ignored him. Also I mixed his new RC diet with his old Hill's k/d. Ignoring him proved to be the right approach. Because now he needed to come to me for cuddles and attention, and that restored our connection. Also he simply liked his food better. Now he eats some 55 to 60 grams instead of 25.
And I'm relieved and finally have some time for myself....