Moving .....

This weblog has moved

This journal ends....

It's now february 20, 2005
As you can see I stopped the english version of this journal.
It was just too time-consuming to keep up.
Maybe I'll get back to it later.

Take care!!!!

Reiki not for cats....

Yesterday no Reiki-instruction: Sarah called in sick. I'll simply continue with what I've learned, and will wait untill she gets in touch. It's hard to find the right time, and a good location in my house for my exercise. So far I've done it every day, and really like doing it. But noises still tend to distract me, and also the cats seem to think I should do anything else but Reiki. Even when they're sound asleep....it seems like they have a built-in antenna, because as soon as I reach the 4th or 5th Chakra Ben or Coco starts meowing loudly, or Joris bites my feet (he's a foot fetishist). I've decided to just continue and sort of integrate their antics in my exercise.


This is so typical: Joris and Coco are eating with gusto, with Ben between them...sound asleep.

Last night I decided to check Ben's weight because he looks skinny. Beginning of april - when his BP was taken - he still weighed 7.2 kilo's. Both the vet's and my scales were good because they gave the same weight. Also in the beginning of april I started to switch Ben from Hill's k/d to Royal Canin Renal with very small success. He ate, but not enough. And the scales confirmed my suspicion: he lost a pound of body weight. So the Royal Canin is out the door !!!

Reiki

Yesterday I was sort of floating around, but today I've come down a bit and am able to tell you about Reiki. Individual instruction at the home of Sarah, the Reiki-master. I was welcomed by Julie, a darling little dog, and in no-time we were friends. I had to tell about Ben, the reason for being there, and I started to cry a bit. Immediately Julie stopped jumping up and down, and laid down with her head on my foot.......

What can I say ..... it was a great morning, very intimate and relaxed. I learned how to do a meditation exercise ( never done that before), and was initiated. During this procedure, with my eyes closed, I was amazed to see a bright/ocre colour moving slowly back and forth and later a deep violet. I also saw a form, square with rounded corners, and a lot of smaller ones forming a flower all together. I can only tell you what I saw, and it almost scared me a bit.

Next I learned how to give myself Reiki, and after that Sarah and I would give each other Reiki. She suggested I would work with Julie the dog instead, so I went to ahead. Julie right next to me on the couch, me with my eyes closed. Eventually I heard Sarah get up, go to the kitchen and open the door of the fridge (like so many times that morning, because I'd been treated to cake, fruitjuice, strawberries and lunch). Then something strange happened: Julie - who normally jumped up and almost dove into the fridge - now just lifted her head, and then laid it down again, staying very relaxed and enjoing the Reiki. I thought that was very special. Of course she's used to receiving Reiki, but still....I was a stranger to her....

My own Reiki-treatment was relaxing. Sarah later told me that my head felt very hot... that evening I realised that maybe it was the facial neuralgia that she felt? (I'm trying to think along the lines here....) Afterwards on the way home I felt awful, and dead tired for hours. Coming wednesday wse'll do the second part of the Reiki-1 course, in my house.

For the next 21 days I have to give myself a Reiki treatment. So this morning I Reikied with myself :-) Had reached the 3rd Chakra (of the 7) when I suddenly -laying on my exercisemat, well earthed - heard this eardeafening yell of this cat called Ben right next to me. I thought he was sound asleep ... I must have sent out vibes....
Afterwards I felt so nice and relaxed, so I must have done it right....

Time flies

Time flies.....I have hardly any energy left to write in my weblog when I've answered the endlessly incoming emails. And I love to write in my weblog..... But you can type only so many words in a day. Sometimes I'm emailing about 4 different cats at the same time, and have to be very careful - and read back earlier emails - so as not to mix them up.

And then there's the chronic fatigue caused by the Tegretol. Have trouble remembering things sometimes. Last week I talked on the phone to a colleague in another division than where I work, and found out that she also uses Tegretol. Not like me for a facial neuralgia, but for epilepsy. We found out we had a lot in common using that medication, and that my problems are not unique.

On june 16 I told you that I was going to do Reiki-1. To learn to "create" some peace and relaxation between Ben and me in a crisis situation. From the moment I called the Reiki-center and made the appointment, the relationship between Ben and me has improved significantly. He no longer runs away from me, is no longer locked up in his own world, and is again in touch with me like allways. When I talk in a very sweet voice he startes to wriggle his long body ands doesn't know which way to turn. All this since I decided to do Reiki: from that moment on I felt more relaxed and Ben reacts to that. Or ...could it be that a few friends are secretly sending us Reiki ??? ah...I forgot..
I don't believe.

Fights

Again Coco is next to me on the couch. The guys are nowhere to be seen. Probably lots of interesting stuff outside. But thankfully there's this little girlfriend I have here ... although she tried to claw and bite me this morning while I groomed her. Somehow she didn't want me to....



The Feliway Diffuser is in use for a day. Yesterday I was taking care of Ben in the kitchen when we heard this awful screaming. Ben started growling, and jumped off the countertop. We ran to the frontroom and oh yes: there were Joris and Coco fighting. Tufts of hair flying all over the place. I grabbed Joris in his scruff and tail, he wriggled this way and that, but I managed to hold on. I took him to the kitchen because he went berserk, took Ben in there with me too, and continued his treatment with pills, lactulose, cleaning eyes and giving him his oral fluids, while Joris was panting and slowly calming down.
Ben allways gets upset when there's fighting. At first I thought he wanted to be on the first row watching, but he doesn't like it at all. And one time I even saw him - petrified - attack Joris who was attacking Coco .... chain reaction.

What to do with Ben

Well ... a few days after my last post Ben and I found ourselves in the next crisis. With an alltime low of 16 grams of dry food in over 24 hours. I started to get visions of having to assist-feed, which I truly don't want. During the night I woke up from his yelling at least 3 to 4 times, sometimes because Ben wanted food, and sometimes just for nothing. And that was just too much.

I have a group of friends who will listen to me whenever it gets to me, and they gave me an idea. I'm convinced that I need to handle Ben's situation (his kidney and bladder problem)in a different way. Because this is killing to both of us.
During days of crisis he didn't seem to feel any joy, he started to turn away from me, ducked away under my hands, refused all fluids that I tried to give with his favourite eyedropper. And I got desperate because I was trying so hard and nothing worked. And in such a situation we were driving each other a little nuts. High time for a bit of relaxation.

I think I found a way: I'm going to enter a Reiki-1 course. I found a Reiki-teacher who's willing to give me an individual training because I can't stay away from home a whole weekend, not even a whole day. It'll be on 3 different days, during 5 hours each day, so that I can be home in time to give Ben his meds. I told her that I don't "believe" in the healing powers of Reiki, but that I hope it may bring us a feeling of relaxation and peace in those days of crisis. Sara, the teacher, told me laughingly that she didn't believe either when she started her own training. I asked if my using Tegretol for my facial neuralgia would be a negative influence on the course. But we figured it might even be beneficial: when I've taken Tegretol I only look at what is right in front of me, and concentrate very much at the here and now.

To be continued... I say with Coco right next to me on the couch. That little lady finally found out that even if she doesn't want to be on my lap, she likes being with me on the couch with a few pieces of cheese as a bonus.