Chorus: Dido

My tea's gone cold I'm wondering why I..
got out of bed at all
The morning rain clouds up my window..
and I can't see at all
And even if I could it'll all be gray,
but your picture on my wall
It reminds me, that it's not so bad,
it's not so bad..

1st Chorus: volume gradually grows over raindrop background
2nd Chorus: full volume with beat right after "thunder" noise

[Eminem as 'Stan']
Dear Slim, I wrote but you still ain't callin
I left my cell, my pager, and my home phone at the bottom
I sent two letters back in autumn, you must not-a got 'em
There probably was a problem at the post office or somethin
Sometimes I scribble addresses too sloppy when I jot 'em
but anyways; fuck it, what's been up? Man how's your daughter?
My girlfriend's pregnant too, I'm bout to be a father
If I have a daughter, guess what I'ma call her?
I'ma name her Bonnie
I read about your Uncle Ronnie too I'm sorry
I had a friend kill himself over some bitch who didn't want him
I know you probably hear this everyday, but I'm your biggest fan
I even got the underground shit that you did with Skam
I got a room full of your posters and your pictures man
I like the shit you did with Rawkus too, that shit was fat
Anyways, I hope you get this man, hit me back,
just to chat, truly yours, your biggest fan
This is Stan

{Chorus: Dido}

[Eminem as 'Stan']
Dear Slim, you still ain't called or wrote, I hope you have a chance
I ain't mad - I just think it's FUCKED UP you don't answer fans
If you didn't wanna talk to me outside your concert
you didn't have to, but you coulda signed an autograph for Matthew
That's my little brother man, he's only six years old
We waited in the blistering cold for you,
four hours and you just said, "No."
That's pretty shitty man - you're like his fuckin idol
He wants to be just like you man, he likes you more than I do
I ain't that mad though, I just don't like bein lied to
Remember when we met in Denver - you said if I'd write you
you would write back - see I'm just like you in a way
I never knew my father neither;
he used to always cheat on my mom and beat her
I can relate to what you're saying in your songs
so when I have a shitty day, I drift away and put 'em on
cause I don't really got shit else so that shit helps when I'm depressed
I even got a tattoo of your name across the chest
Sometimes I even cut myself to see how much it bleeds
It's like adrenaline, the pain is such a sudden rush for me
See everything you say is real, and I respect you cause you tell it
My girlfriend's jealous cause I talk about you 24/7
But she don't know you like I know you Slim, no one does
She don't know what it was like for people like us growin up
You gotta call me man, I'll be the biggest fan you'll ever lose
Sincerely yours, Stan -- P.S.
We should be together too

{Chorus: Dido}

[Eminem as 'Stan']
Dear Mister-I'm-Too-Good-To-Call-Or-Write-My-Fans,
this'll be the last package I ever send your ass
It's been six months and still no word - I don't deserve it?
I know you got my last two letters;
I wrote the addresses on 'em perfect
So this is my cassette I'm sending you, I hope you hear it
I'm in the car right now, I'm doing 90 on the freeway
Hey Slim, I drank a fifth of vodka, you dare me to drive?
You know the song by Phil Collins, "In the Air of the Night"
about that guy who coulda saved that other guy from drowning
but didn't, then Phil saw it all, then at a a show he found him?
That's kinda how this is, you coulda rescued me from drowning
Now it's too late - I'm on a 1000 downers now, I'm drowsy
and all I wanted was a lousy letter or a call
I hope you know I ripped +ALL+ of your pictures off the wall
I love you Slim, we coulda been together, think about it
You ruined it now, I hope you can't sleep and you dream about it
And when you dream I hope you can't sleep and you SCREAM about it
I hope your conscience EATS AT YOU and you can't BREATHE without me
See Slim; {*screaming*} Shut up bitch! I'm tryin to talk!
Hey Slim, that's my girlfriend screamin in the trunk
but I didn't slit her throat, I just tied her up, see I ain't like you
cause if she suffocates she'll suffer more, and then she'll die too
Well, gotta go, I'm almost at the bridge now
Oh shit, I forgot, how'm I supposed to send this shit out?
{*car tires squeal*} {*CRASH*}
.. {*brief silence*} .. {*LOUD splash*}

{Chorus: Dido}

[Eminem]
Dear Stan, I meant to write you sooner but I just been busy
You said your girlfriend's pregnant now, how far along is she?
Look, I'm really flattered you would call your daughter that
and here's an autograph for your brother,
I wrote it on the Starter cap
I'm sorry I didn't see you at the show, I musta missed you
Don't think I did that shit intentionally just to diss you
But what's this shit you said about you like to cut your wrists too?
I say that shit just clownin dogg,
c'mon - how fucked up is you?
You got some issues Stan, I think you need some counseling
to help your ass from bouncing off the walls when you get down some
And what's this shit about us meant to be together?
That type of shit'll make me not want us to meet each other
I really think you and your girlfriend need each other
or maybe you just need to treat her better
I hope you get to read this letter, I just hope it reaches you in time
before you hurt yourself, I think that you'll be doin just fine
if you relax a little, I'm glad I inspire you but Stan
why are you so mad? Try to understand, that I do want you as a fan
I just don't want you to do some crazy shit
I seen this one shit on the news a couple weeks ago that made me sick
Some dude was drunk and drove his car over a bridge
and had his girlfriend in the trunk, and she was pregnant with his kid
and in the car they found a tape, but they didn't say who it was to
Come to think about, his name was.. it was you
Damn!

Whatever
Dre just let it run
Ay yo turn the beat up a little bit
Ay yo this song is for anyone
Fuck it just shut up and listen
Ay yo
I sit back with this pack of zigzags
And this bag of this weed
It gives me the shit needed to be
The most meanest emcee on this on this earth
Cause since birth I've been cursed with this curse to just cursed
And just blurt this bezerk and bizarre shit that works
And it sells and it helps in its self
To relieve all this tension dispensing me
Sentence is getting it, stress has been eating me recently
All through this chest and I rest to get peacefully
But at least have the decency in you to leave me alone
When you freaks see me out in the streets when I'm eating or feedin' my daughter
To not come and speak to me
I don't know you and no I don't owe you a motherfuckin thing
I'm not Mr. NSYNC and I'm not what your friends think
I'm not Mr. Friendly
I can be a prick, if you tip me my tank is on empty
No patience is in me and if you offend me I'm lifting you ten feet
In the air, I don't care who was there and who saw me just jaw you
Go call you a lawyer file you a lawsuit
I'll smile in the courtroom and buy you a wardrobe
I'm tired of arguing - I don't mean to mean but it's all I can be
It's just me
And I am
Whatever you say I am
If I wasn't, then why would I say I am?
In the papers, the news, everyday I am
Radio won't even play my jam
Cause I am
Whatever you say I am
If I wasn't, then why would I say I am?
In the papers, the news, everyday I am
I don't know it's just the way I am
Sometimes I just feel like my father, I hate to be bothered
With all of this nonsense it's constant
And "oh it's just lyrical content!"
The song "Guilty Conscience" has gotten such rotten responses
And all of this controversy circles me
And it seems like the media immediately points a finger at me
So I point one back at 'em
But not the index or the pinky or the ring or the thumb
It's the one you put up when you don't give a fuck
When you won't just put up with the bullshit they pull
Cause they full of shit too
When a dude's gettin bullied and shoots up your school
And they blame it on Marilyn - and the heroin
Where were the parents at?
And look at where it's at middle America
Now it's a tragedy
Now it's so sad to see
An upper class city having this happening
Then attack Eminem cause I rap this way
But I'm glad cause they feed me the fuel
That I need for the fire to burn and it's burnin' and I have returned
And I am
Whatever you say I am
If I wasn't, then why would I say I am?
In the papers, the news, everyday I am
Radio won't even play my jam
Cause I am
Whatever you say I am
If I wasn't, then why would I say I am?
In the papers, the news, everyday I am
I don't know it's just the way I am
I'm so sick and tired of being admired
That I wish that I would just die or get fired
And drop from my label and stop with the fables
I'm not gonna be able to top what my name is
And pigeon holdin' to some poppy sensations
They cop me rotation at Rock 'N' Roll stations
And I just do not have the patience
To deal with this cocky Caucasians
Who think I'm some wigga who just tries to be black
Cause I talk with an accent and grab on my balls
So they always keep asking the same fucking questions
What school did I go to?
What hood I grew up in?
The why? The who, what?
When and where and the how?
Till I'm grabbing my hair and I'm tearing it out
You've been driving me crazy, I can't take it
I'm racing, I'm pacing, I stand and I sit
And I'm thankful for every fan that I get
But I can't take a shit in the bathroom
Without someone standing by it
No I won't sign your autograph
You can call me an asshole
I'm glad cause
And I am
Whatever you say I am
If I wasn't, then why would I say I am?
In the papers, the news, everyday I am
Radio won't even play my jam
Cause I am
Whatever you say I am
If I wasn't, then why would I say I am?
In the papers, the news, everyday I am
I don't know it's just the way I am

(Talking)
May I have your attention please, may I have your attention please
will the real slim shady please stand up,
I repeat will the real slim shady please stand up.....
we're gonna have a problem here.........

(Verse 1)
Ya'll act like you never seen a white person before
jaws all on the floor
like pam and tommy just burst in the door
and started whoopin her ass worse than before
they first were divorced
throwing her over furniture (aaaaaah)
It's the return of the...
"awww..wait, no wait, you're kidding,
he didn't just say what I think he did,
did he?"
and Dr. Dre said...
nothing you idiots, Dr Dre's dead
he's locked in my bassment
feminist women love eminem
chicka chicka chicka slim shady,
"I'm sick of him, lookit him
walkin around, grabbin his you know what
flippin' to you know who"
"yeah, but he's so cute though"
yeah, I probably got a couple of screws up in my head loose
but no worse than what's goin on in your parents bedroom (eheheheh)
sometimes, I wanna get on TV and just let loose
but cant, but it's cool for Tom Green to hump a dead moose
My bum is on your lips, My bum is on your lips
and if I'm lucky, you might just give it a little kiss
and that's the message that we deliver to little kids
and expect them not to know what a woman's clitoris is
of course they're gonna know what intercourse is
by the time they hit 4th grade
they got the discovery channel, dont they?
we ain't nothing but mammals
well, some of us cannibals
who cut other people open like cantelopes
but if we can hump dead animals and antelopes
then there's no reason that a man and another man can't elope
but if you feel like I feel, I got the antedote
women wave your pantehose, sing the chorus and it goes..............

(Chorus)
I'm Slim Shady, yes, I'm the real Shady
all you other Slim Shadys are just imitating
so wont the real Slim Shady please stand up, please stand up, please stand up
cause I'm Slim Shady, yes, I'm the real Shady
all you other Slim Shadys are just imitating
so wont the real Slim Shady please stand up, please stand up, please stand up

(Verse 2)
Will Smith don't got to cuss in his raps to sell records
well I do, so fuck him and fuck you too
you think I give a damn about a grammy
half of you critics can't even stomach me, let alone stand me
"but slim, what if you win, wouldn't it be weird"
why? so you guys can just lie to get me here
so you can sit me here next to britney spears
shit,Christina Aguilera better switch me chairs
so I can sit next to Carson Daly and Fred Durst
and hear em argue over who she gave head to first
little bitch, put me on blast on MTV
"yeah, he's cute, but I think he's married to Kim, hee hee"
I should download her audio on MP3
and show the world how you gave eminem VD (aaaaaah)
I'm sick of you little girl and boy groups
all you do is annoy me
so I have been sent here to destroy you
and there's a million of us just like me
who cuss like me, who just don't give a fuck like me
who dress like me, walk, talk and act like me
and just might be the next best thing, but not quite me.................

(Chorus)
I'm Slim Shady, yes, I'm the real Shady
all you other Slim Shadys are just imitating
so wont the real Slim Shady please stand up, please stand up, please stand up
cause I'm Slim Shady, yes, I'm the real Shady
all you other Slim Shadys are just imitating
so wont the real Slim Shady please stand up, please stand up, please stand up

(Verse 3)
I'm like a head trip to listen to
cause I'm only givin you things
you joke about with your friends inside you livin' room
the only difference is I got the balls to say it
in front of ya'll and I aint gotta be false or sugar coated at all
I just get on the mic and spit it
and whether you like to admit it (riiip)
I just shit it better than 90% you rappers out can
then you wonder how can
kids eat up these albums like valiums
it's funny,cause at the rate I'm going when I'm thirty
I'll be the only person in the nursing home flirting
pinchin nurses asses when I'm jackin off with jergen's
and I'm jerkin' but this whole bag of viagra isn't working
in every single person there's a slim shady lurkin
he could be workin at burger king, spittin on your onion rings
or in the parking lot, circling, screamin I dont give a fuck
with his windows down and his system up
so will the real shady please stand up
and put 1 of those fingers on each hand up
and be proud to be outta your mind and outta control
and 1 more time, loud as you can, how does it go? .................

(Chorus)
I'm Slim Shady, yes, I'm the real Shady
all you other Slim Shadys are just imitating
so wont the real Slim Shady please stand up, please stand up, please stand up
cause I'm Slim Shady, yes, I'm the real Shady
all you other Slim Shadys are just imitating
so wont the real Slim Shady please stand up, please stand up, please stand up

cause I'm Slim Shady, yes, I'm the real Shady
all you other Slim Shadys are just imitating
so wont the real Slim Shady please stand up, please stand up, please stand up
cause I'm Slim Shady, yes, I'm the real Shady
all you other Slim Shadys are just imitating
so wont the real Slim Shady please stand up, please stand up, please stand up

(Talking)
haha guess it's a slim shady in all of us........ fuck it let's all stand up

[announcer]
Meet Eddie, twenty-three years old.
Fed up with life and the way things are going,
he decides to rob a liquor store.
("I can't take this no more, I can't take it no more homes")
But on his way in, he has a sudden change of heart.
And suddenly, his conscience comes into play...
("Shit is mine, I gotta do this.. gotta do this")


[Dr. Dre]
Alright, stop! (Huh?)
Now before you walk in the door of this liquor store
and try to get money out the drawer
You better think of the consequence (But who are you?)
I'm your motherfuckin conscience

[Eminem]

That's nonsense!
Go in and gaffle the money and run to one of your aunt's cribs
And borrow a damn dress, and one of her blonde wigs
Tell her you need a place to stay
You'll be safe for days if you shave your legs with an aged razor blade

[Dr. Dre]

Yeah but if it all goes through like it's supposed to
The whole neighborhood knows you and they'll expose you
Think about it before you walk in the door first
Look at the store clerk, she's older than George Burns

[Eminem]

Fuck that! Do that shit! Shoot that bitch!
Can you afford to blow this shit? Are you that rich?
Why you give a fuck if she dies? Are you that bitch?
Do you really think she gives a fuck if you have kids?

[Dr. Dre]
Man, don't do it, it's not worth it to risk it! (You're right!)
Not over this shit (Stop!) Drop the biscuit (I will!)
Don't even listen to Slim yo, he's bad for you
(You know what Dre? I don't like your attitude..)


{sound of static}

("It's alright c'mon, just come in here for a minute")
("Mmm, I don't know!")
("Look baby..")
("Damn!")
("Yo, it's gonna be alright, right?")
("Well OK..")

[announcer]
Meet Stan, twenty-one years old. ("Give me a kiss!")
After meeting a young girl at a rave party,
things start getting hot and heavy in an upstairs bedroom.
Once again, his conscience comes into play... ("Shit!")

[Eminem]
Now listen to me, while you're kissin her cheek
and smearin her lipstick, I slipped this in her drink
Now all you gotta do is nibble on this little bitch's earlobe..
(Yo! This girl's only fifteen years old
You shouldn't take advantage of her, that's not fair)
Yo, look at her bush.. does it got hair? (Uh huh!)
Fuck this bitch right here on the spot bare
Til she passes out and she forgot how she got there
(Man, ain't you ever seen that one movie kid?)
Pssh no, but I seen the porno with SunDoobiest!
(Shit, you wanna get hauled off to jail?)
Man fuck that, hit that shit raw dawg and bail..
{sound of static}
{pickup idling, radio playing}

[announcer]
Meet Grady, a twenty-nine year old construction worker.
After coming home from a hard day's work,
he walks in the door of his trailer park home
to find his wife in bed with another man.
("WHAT THE FUCK?!?!")
("Grady!!")

[Dr. Dre]
Alright calm down, relax, start breathin..

[Eminem]
Fuck that shit, you just caught this bitch cheatin
While you at work she's with some dude tryin to get off?!
FUCK slittin her throat, CUT THIS BITCH'S HEAD OFF!!!


[Dr. Dre]
Wait! What if there's an explanation for this shit?
(What? She tripped? Fell? Landed on his dick?!)
Alright Shady, maybe he's right Grady
But think about the baby before you get all crazy


[Eminem]
Okay! Thought about it, still wanna stab her?
Grab her by the throat, get your daughter and kidnap her?
That's what I did, be smart, don't be a retard
You gonna take advice from somebody who slapped DEE BARNES??!


[Dr. Dre]
What'chu say? (What's wrong? Didn't think I'd remember?)
I'ma kill you motherfucker!


[Eminem]
Uhhh-aahh! Temper temper!
Mr. Dre? Mr. N.W.A.?
Mr. AK comin' straight outta Compton y'all better make way?
How in the fuck you gonna tell this man not to be violent?


[Dr. Dre]
Cause he don't need to go the same route that I went
Been there, done that.. aw fuck it...
What am I sayin? Shoot em both Grady, where's your gun at?

Refrain:
Hi! My name is (what?)...my name is (who?)...
my name is... Slim Shady
Hi! My name is (huh?)...my name is (what?)...
my name is... Slim Shady (2x)

Ahem...excuse me!
Can I have the attention of the class for one second...

Hi kids! Do you like violence? (yeah yeah yeah!)
Wanna see me stick nine inch nails through each one of my eyelids? (uh huh!)
Wanna copy me and do exactly like I did? (yeah yeah!)
Try 'cid and get fucked up worse than my life is? (huh?)
My brain's dead weight, I'm tryin' to get my head straight
But I can't figure out which Spice Girl I want to impregnate (Ummmm..)
Dr. Dre said: "Slim Shady you a basehead..."
Uh-uhhh! "Then why's ya face red, man you wasted..."
Well since age 12 I've felt like I'm someone else
Cuz I hung my original self from the top bunk with a belt
Got pissed off and ripped Pamela Lee's tits off
And smacked her so hard I knocked her clothes backwards like Kris Kross
I smoke a fat pound of grass and fall on my ass
Faster than a fat bitch who sat down too fast
C'mere slut! (Shady, wait a minute, that's my girl dog!)
I don't give a fuck, God sent me to piss the world off
Refrain
My English teacher wanted to have sex with me in junior high
The only problem was, my English teacher was a guy
I smacked him in his face with an eraser
Chased him with a stapler
And stapled his nuts to a stack of paper (Owwwwwwww!)
Walked in a strip club, had my jacket zipped up
Flashed the bartender and stuck my dick in the tip cup (Wsssshhhhh...)
Extraterrestrial, running over pedestrians
In a space ship while they're screamin' at me: "LET'S JUST BE FRIENDS!"
99% of my life I was lied to
I just found out my mom does more dope than I do
I told her I'd grow up to be a famous rapper
Make a record about doin' drugs and name it after her (Oh thank you!)
You know you blew up when the women rush the stands
To try to touch your hands like some screamin' Usher fans (Aaahhhhhh!)
This guy's wife passed so asked for my autograph
So I signed it: 'Dear Dave, thanks for the support, ASSHOLE!

Refrain

Stop the tape! This kid needs to be locked away! (Get him!)
Dr. Dre don't just stand there, OPERATE!
I'm not ready to leave, it's too scary to die
I'll have to be carried inside the cemetery and buried alive
Am I comin' or goin'? I can barely decide,
I just drank a fifth of vodka...dare me to drive? (Go 'head.)
All my life I was very deprived
I ain't had a woman in years, my palms are too hairy to hide
Clothes ripped like the Incredible Hulk
I spit when I talk, I'll fuck anything that walks (C'mere.)
When I was little I used to get so hungry I would throw fits
HOW YOU GONNA BREAST FEED ME MOM? YOU AIN'T GOT NO TITS!
I lay awake and strap myself in the bed
Put a bulleproof vest on and shoot myself in the head (BANG!)
I'm steamin' mad (Arrrggghhh!)
And by the way when you see my dad? (Yeah.)
Tell him that I slit his throat in this dream I had
Refrain