Improvisatie & dans
Because I have to
Monika Förster studeerde af aan de School voor Nieuwe Dans Ontwikkeling in
Amsterdam. Daarna bekwaamde zij zich in Amerta Movement bij de Indonesische
bewegingsleraar Suprapto Suryodarmo. Ze geeft workshops
en cursussen in Sharing Movement, waarin ze Amerta Movement en moderne dans integreert.
November 2001 had ik een diepteinterview met haar over dans. Ik was benieuwd
naar haar drijfveren.
Because I have to: a conversation with Monika Förster
We always did a lot of physical games. Rolling in the garden, doing all kinds of acrobatic stuff, very physical. Our parents did a lot with us, skiing for example. My mother loved physical games. I always moved a lot. I have practiced figure skating, I trained every day, went to competitions. I still get warm from the moving on the ice. Being lifted up, up in the air, jumping. The physicality of it has something fulfilling. It is rather complete. You go up, together, and you are transported through space. I have dreams in which my steps get lighter and lighter until I can fly. Then I can fly above everything. I think that is a wish.
Dancing
I studied social education sciences. Someone taught us mask-acting, drama. I
wanted to do something with theatre after my study. I did an audition at the
School for Expression through Word and Gesture. Via a friend I heard about
the School for New Dance Development in Amsterdam. I simply attended a
preparatory course. Before that I had never done anything with dance. I
found dance more exiting. So intuitively I choose that. It touched a more a
deeper need. Different from expressing myself theatrically.
I live more
I asked Prapto: why do I dance, how come. He said: because you have to. I
think I had a lot of doubts when I asked that. I also think he is right.
When I move I often am more in contact with myself: soul, body. I live more,
I feel more lively. I have to move somehow. I can do without, it is possible.
But I have to move. In a way, being more in contact with myself is very
physical. I have the sensation that my energy circulates better. My body is
more present, there is more body. But also spirit and emotions are connected.
Often when I work alone in the studio, I feel better what is really
happening in my life. Somehow when I work, my body can be the home for
myself, my physical sense, my emotional self.
Joy and pain
It is connected with joy. Somehow when my body really moves I experience joy.
Even when I cry underneath, there is fulfillment. Maybe I can feel fully
alive when moving. Even in pain and suffering. When you really allow the
pain then it is the same as joy, in the end. It happens sometimes that I
have this experience. It is not so easy to feel real suffering with other
people. Sometimes with Prapto, sometimes alone. If I do not want to feel the
pain I can also not feel the joy. I numb myself. One way is to stop
breathing. If you stop one feeling you stop feeling in general. Often when
this not-feeling happens, I make the connection with myself, then I can feel
my body again and feel alive. A lot is the basic instinct of not wanting to
feel the pain. As children it is sometimes handy not to feel, because you
can not change the situation. This instinct for not feeling pain has it's
function: to be able to stay in a situation when you have to. It is a
survival instrument. It is okay, it is very natural.
Embodiment and mindfulness
But I like to be alive even when this means feeling pain. I practice that
every day. For example I really suffer from doing mailings. So the last time
I had to do one, I stopped every five minutes. I set the alarm clock and
then took deep breaths, to still have this feeling of exploring what is
happening. I also try to take it not so seriously. My general focus is to
stay present. These insights come from bodywork and meditation. What I do
which stopping during the mailing is practicing 'the bell of mindfulness'.
Mindfulness can be very good. But when you are too mindful you can stop your
natural bodily flow, your natural embodiment. What I do is a miniature of
what Prapto means with embodiment and mindfulness. Not to make it into a
dogma. Mindfulness is not a form. I like to reconnect with my body.
I follow my body
I can be very still and very exuberant. It has to do with that I always
search for what my body needs. I start from the body. When I follow the need
of my body I fulfill the need of my soul. If I ask my soul it is too
difficult. It is a question that I ask my body. My body says: I want to go
down, to crawl in a hole. I then do as my body wants. I go down, I put my
jumper over my head. And then my soul gets nourished. I try to allow this
need. In fulfilling it, it changes. After that comes energy again. Then I
need to run around. Maybe also my soul needs to expand, to get space. When I
give in to my body my soul's needs get fulfilled. There is a need to go in
and to retreat. There is a need to expand. When I allow the need to retreat
I can allow the need to expand. But it always comes from the body. I let my
body find the way. I follow the body. Sometimes I need to express
contraction, sometimes stretching. When I let my body find the way, my soul
can have breathing, can be wild, full of fury, joyful, jumpy. When it's
over, when it needs change it changes. It's like travelling. It is like a
questioning journey. It is not always a continuous process. It does not have
to be flowing. I try off with a little shaking or I stop. If you take the
research too serious you can get stuck. If you go from no movement to real
movement it sometimes get heady. One has to take care not to get heady. Then
you can create your own stagnation, instead of your own path.
The movement of life
I can be very in and out. But I have not so much in between. Like when
attending Prapto's classes, I sleep a lot. I don't know what this is. I have
a tendency to be either active or not active. Maybe it is my nature, my
temperament. I don't really know about it. But I know this already a long
time. Somehow this thing of in and out is the general movement of life. Like
ebb and flood, a flower opening and closing. One movement starting coming
out. Retreating, expanding. Actually the